Robinson Family Xmas 2005

This song is inappropriate for virtually all audiences.

It's a take-off on the hip-hop song "Gold-digger" by Kanye West. This was wrong for us to do on so many levels, and we apologize to anybody it might offend. Some ideas, no matter how bad, are simply irresistible.

It will also be difficult for those who do not know our extended family to fully appreciate the lyrics (below) -- there are lots of inside jokes and references, the most significant of which is the term "diddee" which is loosely translated from Arabic slang to mean "naughty." All diddee words have been edited out of the tune, but it's still just wrong. (Also worthy of mentioning, the eldest daughter of the Reichard family is not a home-wrecker, but she is a burgeoning divorce attorney.)

Diddee Kiddies (6.9MB)

If you have trouble with the above link or want to download the mp3 to your computer, right click here.

Diddee Kiddies
now we aint sayin we aint been diddee
but you aint messin with no broke broke kiddies
get down girl go head get down

Santa's the bomb but we were cool and we were calm
met him at the mall when we was shoppin wit Mom
sittin on his lap outside the Baby Gap
shoulda been nappin but we just had to rap
with the man and the myth aka Father Christmas
bet he wish he had missed us when he got to our list cuz
we dropped it on him hard - must a thought he been glocked
cuz we weren't talkin Barbies or no cheap Poly Pockets

Claus said now let me read this back so i don't get it mixed up
this little girl is only four and her big sis is six
they want 60 gig iPods and cellphones that take pix
some bling for their belly buttons, a dvd called White Chicks
something from the new line of Bobbi Brown cosmetics
a cappuccino maker to satisfy a wicked caffeine fix
the new Black-Eyed Peas and 2 Gwen Stefani tix?
clearly I aint messin with no little bitty hicks from the sticks

now we aint sayin we aint been diddee
but you aint messin with no broke broke kiddies
get down girl go head get down

18 years, 18 years
what they gonna be like when they's 18 years
need more than a little help from Santa to support even one of these kids
aint no chance to be normal when everybody they know has flipped their lids
Grandma can't say no to a mother... thing
feed em nothing but candy, cookies, lipstick and bling
a shoe for every situation life might bring
and now that winter's here she start shopping for spring

now you will find Uncle Mitch on any given Sunday
in front of his brand new hi-def flat screen 52” display
and Cousin Jack got more video games than one kid should ever play
while poor cousin Lizzie had to settle for a Hyundai
and there's Aunt Tracy in her mink coat drivin by fast
she got a huge new SUV - don't pay no mind to the cost of gas
give her a boost to get up in it and if you look real fast
you'll see she got the initials LV tattooed on her...

Aunt Shelley probably shouldn't be laughin so hard
cause when she aint dinin downtown or belly up to a bar
she's on her way out to Beachwood or coming back from Cracker Park
got a bag filled with "cute" and a smoking credit card
and What Would Reichard Do when his family gets so rowdy
put his Bush tax cut refund in the basket - say “Godbless the Saudis”
take the whole congregation for a spin in his Audi
and what the Good Lord put together daughter 1 will break up proudly

now we aint sayin we aint been diddee
but you aint messin with no broke broke kiddies
get down girl go head get down

Uncle AJ and Auntie Blake - they don't live around here
but somebody said they wipe dey ... with 100% pure cashmere
AJ smokin blunts after work like most dudes drink beer
got a bonus last Christmas nuff to feed a small country for a year
he was sposed to invest in somethin through Uncle Michael wit his money
but Mike paid for some new shorty's lipo wit da money
and got himself a surgically implanted Treo wit da money
playin like he Michael Corleone or Gordon Gecko with da money

Uncle Mark been waxin his back and tannin his behind
runnin round in his Beemer with any female he can find
cuttin out the carbs, hangin out in seedy bars
when he go to confession the priest get paid overtime
Uncle Eddie lays pretty low for a Maroon
now that Charlie's on the scene they gonna need more room
Aunt Natalie's gonna have him singin a brand new tune
he gonna have to start printing up some of his own damn money soon

and Grannie Annie and Grumps aint helping the situation
buying a condo for Auntie Chey and Tuscan family vacations
while Uncle Blair and Auntie Kim undertake another renovation
and Pop Pop Bob recruits babysitters with sushi in exotic locations
the kids cant even count on their mommy and daddy
to set any limits or an example on how dey sposed to be
drivin round in a brand new Volvo with the drop down DVD
let em listen to trashy radio and stay up late watchin TV

Desperate Housewives, Austin Powers or the Sopranos
sleepin in da family bed til God only knows how old
junkfood in the pantry, closets overflowed with new clothes
Chase Bank gonna have to step in and teach us how to say "no"
two little white girls in the suburbs - not a blue collar for miles,
parties and playdate invitations in piles
cousins and private school classmates all on speed dial
surely this aint no way to raise a mother... child

now we aint sayin we aint been diddee
but you aint messin with no broke broke kiddies
get down girl go head get down